Tree of Love Organics

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Balancing Life when my “SuperMom” cape is torn

So I am very new to blogging… I have read tons of helpful & funny blogs over the last few months that have inspired me & helped me to not feel so alone as a working mother trying to juggle it all. But still I seem lost on what I want to blog about, and honestly I am out of writing practice. I used to write & absolutely love the way writing made me feel… it can be very therapeutic.  I have lots to say… and my husband of 5.5 years would agree.  🙂 But I don’t quite know how to get it all out. I want to use blogging as a resource & a connection between the blogging world, our organic baby business, and myself… and a mom that struggles with the BALANCE of life. So be patient with me, as I become familiar with writing again, and hopefully getting to a great place in the blogging world so that I can maybe one day inspire other mothers. (We can always dream, right?)

I think I will start will what is heavy on my mind today, and for the last year or so…. the whole BALANCING act of being a mother, stepmother, wife, owner of 2 small businesses, and the force behind running the household. My life as a wife and (step)mother started fast and furious 5.5 years ago when I married my husband that, oddly enough, I meet on E-harmony in January of 2007. (Another crazy fact is that my sister Jenn, who I own with, ALSO met her husband on E-harmony years before me). Nate was from CA, and me from FL. It was love at first phone call. We talked, shared, laughed, and truly got to know each other over the phone lines. I knew that he was divorced, and had 2 beautiful children that he had full custody of… and that did not scare me off because I found something so special in this man. He was “The One” and I found this out with our deep conversations over the phone. We meet in person 3 months later, he came to FL for a week (my parents wouldn’t have it any other way, what if he was a crazy man pretending to be a nice, normal, loving father?), and during that week we knew that we were meant to be with each other. So of course I had to meet his children who would be a big part of my life (if all went well) , I traveled out to CA for a week to meet his kids, family, friends, and to get a taste of his world. Needless to say that I loved these two kids from the moment I meet them… all my life I wanted to be a mother, to love my children with all of my heart, to be a great role model, inspire them, teach them, but mainly just to love them. It all was so perfect, and we got along so well. To make this story shorter… because at this point you should know that I can talk…. 🙂 Nate sold most all of his belongings in CA, and he & his 2 kids moved to FL to live with me in my (newly kid-friendly) house months later. We were going to be a family. The kids were 4 and 5 years old, and called me “mom” from the very beginning. We got married in Key West, FL in June with a small group of our family & friends (only 6 months after we met on E-harmony). Life was going great, and got even better when we got pregnant & had another daughter, Lucy Analiese in 2008. I took just a month off (due to money being tight) from my job as a personal trainer after Lucy was born, and I got right back in the saddle to work part-time. I was very fortunate that I still was able to spend a lot of time at home with my new baby & 2 kids, and Nate & I scheduled our work around each other.  We became a happy and connected family. I put on my “SuperMom” cape from the very beginning & thought I could do it ALL!! Well…. News Flash…. it’s not possible to do it ALL & keep your SANITY.

Like most families, we have had many ups & downs. Our “ups” have been so much fun…the great memories, the exciting trips, the pictures, the laughs, our families milestones.

Although sometimes it’s the “downs” that seem to have affected me the most. More than a year ago, I had a cancer scare with a lump in my breast. During  this uncertain time, I had a painful biospy, a lumpsecomy, and then I decided to get a breast reduction that would further remove some of my many other lumps (from  fibrocystic breast condition). The stress took a toll on me. I truly admire those many women who have overcome breast cancer (and other cancers) & come out to be such a positive inspiration to us all. My cousin is one of those women. My lump was non-cancerous, but just the thought of the possibility really scared me. The reason this took a toll on my health & positive attitude was that I didn’t talk about it will anyone… didn’t share my fears, and concerns. I wanted to still be that “SuperMom”, even though my cape had some snags & tears in it.

Along with this health scare, my life got even crazier when I bought with my sister more than a year ago. Our plan was to be able to quit our “day jobs”, spend more time with our kids & husbands, do something that we are both very passionate about, and work from our laptops & iPhones from anywhere in the world. We had so much work to do on the business over the last year (and still do!), and didn’t quite anticipate a slow start with building the business & making that money we needed to quit our day jobs. So now we balance the 2 careers. And honestly I feel guilty. Guilty from the “pull” between the demands of work, and wanting to be that awesome mom that I always imagined that I would be, and the supportive & loving wife I want to be. I have always been a perfectionist, wanting to be the best at everything… wear many hats, and wear them well.  My family & friends have always been very supportive, and they have always encouraged me with great compliments. But still I am hard on myself.  Why do I do this to myself? Why do other moms out there beat themselves up for not being everything to everyone?

My goal & desire for my life right now… is to find that BALANCE as a working mother & wife. And ALSO to not lose MYSELF in this demanding world that we get so wrapped up in. To find my way back to the truly happy, less-stressed person that I once called ME. I desire to let go of my stress & anxiety, and to be ok with the fact that I am not perfect. I am a mother that loves her children, and a wife that loves her husband, and a person that wants the very best for them. I aim to have more fun, to be alright with the house being a mess at times, for things not going just as I had planned, and not being so hard on myself. I want to remember what is important in this world… my family.

I hope you will follow me during this journey, and I wish all the mothers out there like me find their peace & balance in life.

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